Why Self-Confidence is a Myth
There is no such thing as self-confidence and self-belief at all times. No matter where you are in life, there are always going to be self-doubts and limitations.
Most people who see me for the first time, see this super confident young successful woman, who is loved and happy and who has everything together… I have an incredible story from poverty in Ukraine to enjoy the dream lifestyle travelling around the world, from deep insecurities to getting married to my beloved husband…
This scenario impresses many people. My goal however is not to impress anyone. I genuinely wish to inspire people to create the life of their dreams.
I truly believe in personal growth and working on myself. And all of our dreams are possible when we are willing to go through personal transformation.
But when it comes to self-confidence, I have to tell you, at times I am gripped with insecurities and self-doubts. I question my capabilities and my limitations get the best of me.
Here are a few things about me. I have dropped out of college that I kicked myself for for years, wrestling with the feeling that I wasn’t smart or capable enough to succeed in life.
I am a slow learner. I don’t catch things quickly. It is a great source of amusement for my husband. Most people make a mistake once or twice. It usually takes 5 or 6 times for me to learn something.
English is not my native language. I’ve got quirky accent and make a lot of mistakes. Every time I say something silly, my husband, who is English, says, “This is why we, Brits, voted out of European Union, because of you, Ukrainians.” And I usually respond, “Honey, Ukraine has never been part of EU.” And he goes, “That’s irrelevant. You were close enough.”
I was born and raised in a Ukrainian village in a poor family. Our poverty always made me feel unworthy of myself. That feeling of shame, which made me feel I wasn’t good enough because I didn’t have much in life, haunted me for years.
I often get inner doubts and questions whether I have what it takes to achieve my goals.
I often kick myself for failures. I tell myself, I should have known or done better. And I know it is wrong, and absolutely useless and it deflates my self-confidence. But sometimes, I can’t help it.
I have many flaws and imperfections. But I get to remind myself, that without those flaws I wouldn’t have my strengths and my power would not be possible without my weakness.
Here is the thing: nobody possesses unstoppable and unshakable confidence at all times. And, frankly, you don’t really want that. It is important to have a healthy self-image and have faith in your abilities, but don’t chase the horizon trying to be at your best at all times.
First of all, you simply can’t be 100% confident at all times. And even if you think you can just ignore those limitations within you, you will just end up denying yourself and pretending in front of yourself. There will be a disconnect in energy and you will not never be in harmony with yourself.
When it comes to relationships, men are attracted to women who real, honest, authentic and, believe it or not, with flaws. My husband loves my little quirks and imperfections. They make him laugh.
When a woman “appears” perfect and super confident it actually might repel them. A man wants to be around a woman who will be willing to accept him with all his imperfections… And if she is not willing to accept the imperfections within herself, she won’t be able to accept them in others.
What irritates us in others usually holds the mirror to ourselves.
You have to believe in yourself, your capabilities, and your power, but you can’t be 100% confident at all times.
Come to an agreement with it. You will get an enormous weight off your shoulders and you will stop chasing the horizon…
