What to Do When Your Emotions Are Spinning Out of Control?
I was sitting in the darkness in the middle of the night, absolutely gripped with fear to the point that I had a hard time breathing..
It felt as if I the floor was sinking beneath me taking me to the darkest corners of hell. I was in sheer panic. I was literally spinning out of control.
I couldn’t even cry; there was so much tension in my chest.
I honestly had no idea how I was going to get out of those nether regions. I thought, my life was over.
A few hours before that utter terror, I had had a bad fight with my boyfriend at the time. I didn’t know the ground we we standing on, and I wanted to figure it out. He told me, “I wasn’t his girlfriend to have such entitlement and to be so demanding.” (He was right, but his words were crushing me)
And then he said, “I am not sure you’ll ever be my girlfriend or anything else.” (Now, that was cruel, like a stab in my heart)
I knew it was the end. But I didn’t want to accept it. So, I tried to go down the pathetic route of apologising and humiliating myself. I really loved him…
But he didn’t, and he just hung up on me…
It was a mess.
No matter what I tried to do I couldn’t calm down and carry on with my life, focusing on me and my priorities.
You see, with him, it was never about my priorities, wishes and desires. It was all about what he wanted to do. But I mistakenly believed, if I always put him first, he would fall in love with me and marry me…
It might sound counter-intuitive, but the biggest turn off for a strong alfa male is to have a weak, submissive and insecure girlfriend, who is afraid to speak up for herself.
There was no respect, care or love on his part. It was just a game.
Looking back now I realise why I had to hit the rock bottom in my self-esteem, self- humiliation and loosing my dignity. It urged me to figure out my inner crap. My low self-worth, my low standards, my fears and my insecurities around men.
I was a mess. For a long time. Spinning out of control emotionally. I couldn’t sleep, properly eat, put on a makeup… I couldn’t be bothered.
I felt unlovable… The man I considered to be the love of my life didn’t love and appreciate me when I was at my best… So, why bother, putting a makeup on or dressing up…
Here is what I learned over time how to gain control over your emotions. Apart from a massive inner transformation of building my self-image up, so I could learn to love and accept myself unconditionally, I learned some techniques to bring the immediate relief.
- Focus on your breathing. Take deep diaphragm slow breaths. Get outside, if necessary to get a fresh air.
- Choose a pleasant mantra (e.g. this too shall pass) and repeat it in your mind slowly for a hundred times to quiet your senses.
- Cry. Cry a lot! It is necessary to release the accumulated rubbish inside. If you try to bottle it up and shovel it to the deep corners of your mind, sooner or later it will fire back on you.
- Write an angry letter, expressing all your emotions and feelings. It doesn’t have to make sense or be grammatically correct. And then burn it. It is a powerful mental trick to clear your system of negativity.
- Take a long walk in nature. Nature has an amazing ability to raise your vibrations, give you a fresh perspective and give you some answers. When I used to live in Miami, Hollywood beach was my therapist that was healing my soul.
Above all, after you’ve calmed down a bit, it is essential to ask yourself: “What does my inner child want? Why is she desperately seeking attention? Why is she hurting so much?”
Why inner child, you may ask? Because how else you would describe the behaviour of an adult woman who is spinning out of control and loosing her senses…
Place your hands on your heart, close your eyes, completely focus on the present moment, and ask yourself, “What do I need to do right now? Help me understand the real problem why I am so out of control? What do I need to fix it?”
Stay present and listen to your inner self. Don’t rush the process, trust yourself. Our inner wisdom knows all the answers and all the solutions. You just have to learn to communicate with it.
When you become connected to yourself, your heart, your soul, when you learn to appreciate your worth, you don’t let anyone or anything humiliate or hurt you.