What to Do When He Pulls Away?

Anna Simpson
4 min readMay 27, 2019


“Everything started out in such a romantic and promising way. We were in love and enjoyed each other’s company. He would call all the time; we would go on dates every other day. And I thought, that was it.. Finally But then when things were starting to get serious, he started disappearing.” She said with tears welling up in her eyes.

Picture of me when I was 21, the time when my heart was broken many times…

I just wanted to hug her and tell her it all will be fine and she will be very happy in her personal relationships, once she understands what a gem she is.

“What should I do to get him back? I have fallen in love with him and I want to make it work..”

Haven’t we all women been in this situation before, when we wanted to bring the guy back, or make him more passionate about us? Maybe, you are in this situation now?

A short answer to my friend’s question would be, “Don’t do anything! This is not love.” But instead, I was there to listen and support a friend. I let her express all the emotions. I could feel, she wasn’t looking for advice. She was looking for someone to listen.

It is quite therapeutic when you can just express yourself, the anger, the pain, and the confusion. You need to clear the space to arrive to a clearer understanding.

Frequently, we, women, get attached to the illusion of love and torture ourselves trying to make it our reality.

Eventually, when it felt like she was ready to listen, I just said to her, “I understand your confusion, frustration and anger. I have been there myself. There could be various reasons why he went cold on you. The more you will try to understand his motives, the more frustrated you will be. The bottom line is he — is not into you. That might me a bitter pillow to swallow. But the sooner you will swallow it, the sooner it will start the healing process.”

“But he was such a gentlemen, and kind, and funny and generous. He really made me feel special. I can’t believe he didn’t have any feelings to me…”

You know, every woman is the same. She thinks, she is different and he will treat her differently despite the tell-tale signs that he is not into her, at least in terms of a serious long-term relationship.

Why are we looking for love in places where there is no love?

The fact that he is not into you has got nothing to do with you. It doesn’t mean, you are not good enough. It simply means, the guy is not for you. And you really should think, someone much better is waiting for you, who will not leave you hung up in the air in uncertainty.

The reason why he pulls away is because he is afraid of commitment, or he is not ready to settle down and he wants to play a bit more. Or you are simply not his type. And that’s ok. You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. And you shouldn’t, really..

What do you do, when he disappears? Very simple: let him go with your best wishes. It might hurt, accept the feeling of sadness, but make yourself a priority. Don’t make anyone else a priority if you are just an option to them.

Don’t try to convince him you are the one for him. Don’t chase him, don’t break your own heart! It will only make things worse.

At the end of the day, no one can hurt us unless we allow them.

If you feel the guy is not into you, just accept it as a fact. Don’t mix it with feelings. Like I said, guys pull away for their own reasons which have nothing to do with you, how pretty or skinny, or successful, or sexy, or fun you are.

You really should be grateful. Trust there is a blessing in disguise. Just because you can’t see it yet, doesn’t mean it is not there.

Try to look back at your previous relationships when you were sad when you broke up, but now you are so grateful it happened.

One day, you will look at the situation that makes you cry right now and have a good laugh at how silly you were to be upset over that petty things.

What are my recommendations to get over the guy?

Shift your focus from pain to growth. Understand the valuable lesson the universe is trying to teach you. The sooner you will realise it, the sooner you will be able attract a wonderful relationship that grows into a long-term heartfelt soulful connection.

Look at the big picture and ask yourself: is he really worth me fighting for and getting upset about? Ask yourself, if he is not into me, why should I be into him?

If your energy gets negatively affected by other people, you need to work on your self-esteem, so the outside events don’t demolish your sense of worthiness.

Face your limitations that keep attracting the people and experiences you don’t want in your life. The outside changes won’t usually work. No matter where you go, you bring yourself with you. You need to go within.

The most powerful and beautiful outfit a woman can wear is self-worthiness. When she knows her value comes from within and no matter what others think or say of her, she is grounded and confident.

It is usually hard to do it yourself, because you can’t see the picture when you are the one in the frame. My mission and my purpose is to help women enjoy the love they dream about and deserve. Click here for more info.



Anna Simpson

Ukrainian by birth, American at heart, world traveler, who dares to go after her ambitious goals. Empowering women to achieve their dreams www.anna-simpson.com