What is the Right Way to Fall in Love?

Anna Simpson
4 min readMay 31, 2019


How to avoid heartbreaks when you fall in love with him…

Photo credit Anna Simpson’s personal collection

When I was younger and single, I used to fall in love very quickly. I would fall for a guy, who was my type, of course, almost instantly. A few great dates would make me think we had a future together..

He would make me feel special and all of my insecurities would be gone. I loved that euphoria and feeling that everything would be just different now. You know, happily ever after story… I would start building those wonderful castles of our life together. I was all in…

Every woman knows what I am talking about.

But then, something would happen… He would either get cold, distant, not available for days or even weeks, leaving me stranded. And all over sudden, all my insecurities would come back almost as instantly as they seemed to disappear before.

I would be wondering what went wrong, what I did wrong, why he lost interest… And, as usual, I would end up blaming myself and reinforcing those deeply ingrained insecurities that I was not good enough for him to fall in love with me.

I never had a problem of taking responsibility, but it would always make me feel worthless. “If it was my responsibility, it was my fault,” I used to think. That’s a wrong way to look at responsibility: it should empower you to choose a different approach, not tear you apart.

These little wise insights come after we face our dark sides. But we need them, honestly, to become better, to expand our awareness and to just grow… In the moments of pain we tend to listen more… But that’s another topic for another day.

I think, all women (especially when we are younger) open up and fall in love very quickly. We love that adrenaline rush and intoxication of the dopamine neurotransmitters, which trigger the reward and pleasure centres in our brain. We become too emotional and we loose control, and everything turns into a roller coaster

Here is the thing: if you fall in love too quickly, it is not love. It is infatuation. It usually doesn’t last long. It is not a solid foundation to build a loving and healthy relationship on.

Love at first sight is a fabulous theme for a romantic movie, but in real life, love, just like anything else worthwhile, takes time grow and to turn into something beautiful.

When you plant a seed, give it time to grow, develop, and strengthen. No matter how much sun, water and conducive for growth conditions you give for those seeds, don’t expect to eat the fruits the next day.

Allow the person you fancy win your heart. Allow him to prove that you can trust him. Give it time. When you loose your head, you tend to make more mistakes and irrational decisions, and often times, unconsciously, you push men away…

Most women make this mistake being unaware. They jump too soon and too fast. Hence, the expression: fall in love. When you fall, you don’t really think, you put your guard down, and you are not intentional.

Love, just like anything else in life, requires intentional approach. You can’t just take a plunge into the wilderness and expect happily ever after story to unfold…

Don’t loose your head and dissolve in his world. First of all, you don’t really know the person you are dating, his intentions and values in life yet. It takes time to learn about the person you are with. Even if you understand human psychology very well, passion clouds your judgement. Don’t allow passion to make your decisions.

Second, if you become an open book for him, he looses interest. Men love mystery; it sparks their curiosity to want to learn more about the woman they are with. Be an object of interest to him. Don’t get attached too soon.

Third, always, no matter what, even when you are happily married, focus on yourself and your own goals and priorities. That doesn’t mean being selfish, but you can’t really value others if you don’t value yourself first.

It is especially crucial at the beginning of romance to have your own life and be self-sufficient to show him you don’t really need him for you to be happy. It is within our psychology to crave what we like but can’t have yet.

Let him get attached to you first, before you open yourself up. It will save the unnecessary heartache. To discover how to attract your dream partner, click here

But don’t play games with men’s feelings. Men can have their hearts broken as well. They get emotionally attached with women as well. So, if you don’t have genuine intentions about a man you are with, don’t give him hope. Just let him go, if you don’t see the potential between you two. Always remember, what goes around, comes around.

In love matters, follow your heart but take your head with you… Remember, everything worthwhile takes time…

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Anna Simpson

Helping people discover, articulate, and monetise their messages and stories, so they can get paid for who they are. www.anna-simpson.com/book