To Blame or Not to Blame

Anna Simpson
4 min readAug 13, 2019
Photo by Engin_Akyurt on Pixabay

Young, pretty and independent woman she was. I accidentally bumped into her when I was getting my nails done, while visiting with my parents in my native Ukrainian village.

She was my classmate, whom I hadn’t seen for a number of years. Her name was Ali. She was still living in the same village in the same house where she was born with her dad and her 10-year old son. She divorced her husband and lived as a single mom for a few years already.

It was nice for us to briefly catch up, but since she was working at that salon, we couldn’t have a lengthy conversation. Of course, we talked about relationships. Women are always interested, however, in relationships and boyfriend matters.

She said, “When he needed me he was nice to me…But out of the blue, he just left me refusing to take any responsibility even for his son” Ali wasn’t willing to disclose her soul in front of me. So, she didn’t go any further. And I wasn’t willing to probe into her personal matters, which were still raw. However, I could sense a little bit of bitterness in her voice.

I felt a little sorry for her as a woman. Being a single mom isn’t easy. She deserves happiness and love, as every woman does. She was in her blossoming years, and yet she was alone.

Even though, she wasn’t the victim type woman, Ali, made some wrong assumptions about men in general based on her unfortunate love experience. Being a victim has many faces and shapes, but it is always hurtful for the person who plays the role of a victim.

It is so much easier to blame someone else in our problems, then rise up from ashes and take responsibility for our own life. I am not saying, her husband wasn’t guilty at why they broke up, but blaming him for not taking responsibility isn’t going to improve Ali’s life.

Blame is a negative emotion that spreads negative vibes and carries attachment to the previous situation.

I wanted to say to Ali with my very best intentions that if she wished to improve her love life she needed to let go of the previous relationship, forgive and take responsibility. Now, taking responsibility doesn’t mean being a…

Anna Simpson

Helping people discover, articulate, and monetise their messages and stories, so they can get paid for who they are. www.anna-simpson.com/book