How to Stop Overthinking Things?
How overthinking kills the attraction between a man and a woman. What truly creates connection.
Do you ever overthink things? Do you try to make things perfect? Do you find yourself frustrated because of your quest for perfection?
All my life I have thought, perfectionism is a great virtue. The drive for excellence is always admirable, right? However, it is the opposite of progress, it keeps you stuck, it is the driver of procrastination and it never helps you achieve your desired outcome. Especially, when it comes to creating a loving relationship.
Before I got married to my soulmate, my perfectionism was always getting in the way when I was dating. I just couldn’t relax and be myself. I had to make the best impression. Looking back now makes me laugh, but I will share with you a couple of instances that perhaps will make you laugh as well:)
I tried to look perfect. So, when there was a guy on the horizon, I would go to a high end shop and buy myself a beautiful outfit, way beyond my budget. However, I wouldn’t cut the label, so when the date was over, I would return that item.
A posh dress that had to be returned would get many compliments, but for some reason wouldn’t help me connect emotionally with a guy I liked.
I would think in advance about the topics of our conversation, the stories and jokes I would share. So, during the actual date, we wouldn’t run out of the things to talk about, and there wouldn’t be any awkward silence.
I was always mindful of how I would behave myself, trying to remember all the seduction techniques like mysterious smile, looking into his eyes, strategically placing my legs one on top of the other.
I had to be prepared. I was so in my head, not realising how it was killing the natural and spontaneous attraction. I was so afraid to be myself, because I didn’t think just being me was good enough. So, I had to embellish myself in how I looked, what I said, how I smiled…
I was oblivious to the fact that men always pick up that energy of inner insecurity.
My quest for perfection was forcing me to wear a mask, making the entire dating experience uncomfortable and contrived.
Instead of just being in the moment and allowing my heart and intuition to take the lead, I was always overthinking different scenarios, making false assumptions of what a guy was thinking of me. If, god forbid, he didn’t call, I was driving myself crazy…
What I realised over the years of love drama tantrums and heartache is that when I was in my head (overthinking things and trying to make things perfect), I wasn’t open and vulnerable.
Being open and vulnerable is the first step in getting to a man’s heart. There are no guarantees, but it is always a sign of a great feminine power that always attracts men. Being yourself, truly and unapologetically, shows a guy that he can be open and honest with you as well. That’s what means heart to heart connection.
When there is vulnerability, there is no room for perfection. First of all, men don’t like the energy of perfection. If a man has serious intentions, he wouldn’t want to marry a perfect barbie doll. True soulmate connection and perfection are not compatible. And besides, sometimes your quirks is what really attracts men.
Don’t be afraid to courageously show your true face and soul. That doesn’t mean, revealing all the childhood drama or jumping in bed with a man on a first date. It simply means the willingness to show up and be seen with no guarantee of a specific outcome.
The only path to love, happiness, belonging and joy is through vulnerability.
So, when you choose to show up vulnerably, you can’t be trying to make things perfect. Being vulnerable means showing your true self, perfectly imperfect. It means owning yourself and not being afraid stand up strong just the way you are.
So, how do you stop overthinking and overcomplicating things?
Simply put, stop it! You have the power over your mind and your emotions. Don’t let them control you!
Drop from your head to your heart! Our heart doesn’t think; it feels. Allow your inner feelings to take charge. Understand: it is not the dress you wear or a story you share that will make a guy fall in love with you. It is your inner self that will draw him into you.
Stay present in the moment. Don’t try to influence the natural course of events, especially when it comes to love and relationships. Let things evolve naturally. That’s the best and most proven way create happiness in a relationship.
Increase your self-worth, so you are always comfortable being in your own skin.
Practice authenticity no matter what. If a guy is to fall in love with you, he needs to fall in love with the genuine you, not the mask you are wearing. If he doesn’t appreciate you the way you are, he is not the right fit for you.
Being myself, authentic, vulnerable and real allowed me to attract and connect with my husband. We truly attracted each other. We both lived in different countries, but love knows no boundaries and restrictions.
Always remember, true connection and attraction happen at a heart level.