We women are often spinning out of control, being wrapped up with emotional whirlwind… And then, when we look back some time later, we laugh at how ridiculous our initial reaction was.
I have found in my life that when I feel down, out of sorts, or going down the spiral of negative self-criticism, I get disconnected from my own inner power.
When we are out of balance and not connected to our inner power, we are unable to have an adequate perspective on what is happening around us.
Why is it so destructive? And how do you change that?
The other day, I was scrolling down a Facebook newsfeed, and I came across a success story of one of the women I personally know. She is a lovely lady and I wish her nothing but the best.
However, seeing her achieving a major milestone in her business and life produced a funny reaction within me.
On the one hand, I was happy for her success, but the other part of me was jealous. It is a strong word but that’s exactly what I was feeling…
Unconsciously, I started comparing myself with her, judging and blaming and negatively criticising myself.
I got emotionally stuck in the “I should be doing and achieving more by now” thought process.
Intellectually, I knew it was a slippery slope, but I couldn’t gain control over my negative inner voice.
My negative inner voice was saying, “By their fruits you shall know them. And look at your fruits. What is wrong with you? You don’t have what it takes.” We are all familiar with that nasty inner critic.
By the way, during such low emotional moments of comparison, you always diminish your fruits and the significance of your results. No matter what they are, they always seem less, compared to the alleged astonishing success we see in others.
I knew how destructive that thought process was, which was withdrawing me from my own power further and further away, clearing the space for my inner demons to have a party.
What really made me frustrated with myself is that she was sharing her heart and soul in that Facebook post. She was exposing her imperfections and how she turned them into strengths.
She was being vulnerable.
She wasn’t afraid to be authentic, real and genuine.
She was proud of her quirks.
And that was her power and that’s what helped her connect with others and influence them in a profound way.
She was someone I never was, but secretly wanted to be.
I have always tried to “appear” perfect. I was taught since I was a child, you are either excellent, amazing and impressive, or you are not good enough.
Nobody taught me that it was ok to accept my imperfections and vulnerabilities. No-one made me aware that sharing our vulnerabilities helps us connect with others. That there is beauty in our quirks. And that it is ok to be unapologetically me.
I cannot say, I am a perfectionist (there is no such thing as perfect), but I’d rather be prepared than authentic.
I have always been afraid to let my guard down.
I always tried to smile, when deep inside I wanted to cry.
I have always tried to be polished, reserved and excellent at what I do. Otherwise, it is no good.
These might seem like admirable qualities you need to succeed in life. However, if you don’t give yourself a space for being vulnerable, emotional, and simply, a human being, who is very far from being perfect, you will be disconnected from yourself, your power, and your uniqueness.
So, this post is my attempt of being vulnerable. I am openly saying, I was jealous of my friend’s success. And I was ashamed of myself for being jealous.
Damn Facebook, I was thinking.. Why do people always share success stories there? What about their falls and getting their faces dirty? Those posts would give so much more hope and inspiration to others.
We are conditioned to glorify our life to make it look good on social media. I remember, I saw a post on FB, “May your life be as wonderful as you portray it on social media”
I had to remind myself of numerous setbacks and challenges my friend inevitably had to go through to achieve what she achieved.
I had to literally say to myself, “What is it that you need this moment to get yourself back on track? Where do you need to focus your attention now? How focusing on other’s success serves you?”
And you know what, after my favourite cup of tea and a bit of self-reflection, I managed to gain my self control back.
You have the power to shift your focus from others to yourself. If you give freedom to your negative inner voice, it will take you to the dark and devastating place self-pity.
You are higher than this. You can gain control. Shift your attention from the outside world with its high benchmarks, to your inner world, where true power lies. You have the capability to restore your balance.
Allow yourself to walk your own journey. Don’t mind what others are doing. Be connected with yourself. That will help you connect better with others.