When I was a little girl, I was dreaming of getting married to my Prince Charming.
Well, actually, not really. Or not exactly. I didn’t really imagine a beautiful fairy tale like wedding…
You see, I come from a poor family in a Ukrainian village, and to spend money on anything extra (rather than food or life necessities) was just out of the question.
And a beautiful wedding would require a lot of expenses. So, not to get disappointed, I just quelled that desire right away to avoid a future dismay.
Oh, the pain and struggle of poverty. At times, there was no money to buy food… Anyways, that’s a story for another time…
But I did have a dream to find a high quality man who would love, cherish, and adore me.
Someone once told me, guys look for and fall in love with the girls of their level within their inner circle. Meaning, you’ve got to have a common ground of similar values, interests, and status. In other words, like attracts like.
Looking back now with the maturity and, hopefully, the wisdom of years and experience, I understand quality men attract quality women and it has nothing to do with your outside circumstances.
But when I was a teenage girl, a tough time of a transition period and trying to be liked and approved, I was struggling with that concept.
I didn’t believe I was a quality girl myself.
How could I have been? I didn’t like the way I looked (the ugly duckling period). And I wasn’t able to wear trendy clothing simply because my parents couldn’t afford to buy new clothes, let alone fashionable and trendy ones… And at that age, it is all about how you look.
Our family’s financial situation always made me feel ashamed of myself.
I felt like I wasn’t enough, because we were poor.
So, I wanted to date high quality guys but I didn’t belong to their circle and it was tough.
I wanted to escape. At times, I was mad at life and how unfair it was.
Unlike most girls, I never dated while I was at high school.
I didn’t believe I was good enough to attract the guys I liked.
No-one was interested in dating me.
I was oblivious to the fact that my perception of myself was repelling potential boyfriends…
I wasn’t aware of the fact back then that I was blocking my own way to experiencing the joy and fun of dating, when hormones were high..
When I left home and entered college, I kind of escaped the poverty at home, changed the environment and focused on studying.
However, I brought myself with me.There was still that insecure girl inside who didn’t believe she was good enough.
I can’t say, I didn’t date at all but there was no long-term relationship.
I was focused on education and studying to fill the gap within…
Now, looking back, all those experiences make me smile how silly I was to think I wasn’t good enough because I was poor. But at the same time, it makes me feel extreme gratitude because those hardships and challenges were gifts in disguise.
Had I not experienced those feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness, I would not have been inspired to go through the journey of discovering and owning my entire self.
The law of polarity helps us discover ourselves and appreciate life. It takes sadness so we can appreciate happiness. It takes lack so we can appreciate abundance. You can’t know one without the other.
I am grateful for the journey I had to take to be able to enjoy the bliss and happiness of the relationship I have now, being married to the man of my dreams.
What I discovered was until you start seeing yourself as a quality woman, you will be struggling in your love life and the relationships you attract.
If you don’t have the relationship you want right now, then you must expand your awareness about how you perceive yourself to receive it.