Are All Guys Jerks?

During the darkest moments of my relationship drama in the past, I used to think all men are jerks and all they want is to use us, women. I thought all men were self-serving and selfish.

Because that was my experience of the men I was dating, I believed that was just the way the reality was.

I kept attracting those men, who, of course, had something about them, but they were not willing to commit to me and build a long-term relationship with me.

They would often disappear without explanation and then after weeks or even months would come back as if nothing happened.

They would just contact me for a booty call.

They would not be consistent with me.

Or they would cheat on me.

And I would be always left hung up in the air, worrying they would leave me…

What really felt like a torture was when they would make me feel so special and loved, lavish me with compliments how beautiful and sexy I was. And, of course, I believed that praise. But then, all over sudden, there was coldness, distance and loss of interest.

I had those emotional rollercoasters swooshing from euphoria to deep devastation. I was anxiously waiting for a phone call or a text from my boyfriend, going absolutely crazy.

You see, they were all contacting me when it was convenient for them, and I had to adjust my schedule and routine according to their agenda. And I did!

I sometimes even called in sick for work, because I was desperate to see the guy I was with. I know, insane..

It was nasty and heart wrenching times of me reaching the darkest corners of my being. Looking back at it now, I understand I must have been insane to be so attached to the guys who were not worthy of my time, energy and love.

Although there was a lot of blame and rage towards those guys, I was blaming myself more. I would take everything personally. I thought there must have been something wrong with me and I wasn’t worthy and deserving of a great treatment.

I mean, there are so many more beautiful women then me, who have a better body shape, more sexy curves, who are smarter, more successful, more interesting, and more fun than me… I was convinced, I wasn’t enough. I was thinking, if I had been enough, men would treat me differently, right?

Wrong..

Because I believed I wasn’t enough, and that’s how I was projecting myself to the world — as not enough to be loved, respected, and valued. I was lacking those qualities within me. But it didn’t mean, I didn’t deserve all that nice treatment. I just didn’t allow it for myself.

On the outside, I was dreaming of a man of the quality who would love me unconditionally, but on the inside I didn’t believe I was good enough for him.

You don’t attract who you want, you attract who you are. “Who you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you are saying,” wisely observed R. W. Emerson.

The world always holds a mirror to yourself. And the people you attract who hurt you are usually angels in disguise to help you become aware and confront your limitations. They are the reminders that if you need more love in your life, you need to come from the place of self-love.

I was attracting the guys who didn’t really respect me, because I didn’t respect myself.

While I was putting them as a priority, I was just an option to them. And that was my mistake I was completely oblivious to. That was the invisible subconscious pattern that kept attracting those guys to me, who were not really treating me as their significant other.

Those guys were not jerks, they were attracted to me by me to help me transform my limitations and negative beliefs about who I was.

And now after facing my inner demons and transforming my self-image, I am happily married to a man of dreams, I can assure you wonderful and amazing men exist and they are looking for love.

If you are not enjoying the quality of relationships you want is because you need to address those limitations within. Pay more conscious attention to the people around yourself. What do they reveal to you about yourself?