You can’t give what you don’t have. In order to attract and enjoy the love on the outside, you need to cultivate the love on the inside. You need to love yourself first, if you want someone else to love you.
It might seem like it is something blatantly obvious, but when was the last time you did something to show yourself that you are worthy and good enough?
Of course, love is a feeling, but we often forget: love is a verb, and it is realised through taking action.
Let me ask you… Do you truly love yourself? Even when things are not working out the way you hoped…
Or do you immediately jump into self-criticism? Do you reprimand yourself when you make a mistake?
From my personal experience, it is easy to love yourself and feel good about yourself when things are going well. When the bills are paid, when you get the results you expect and work hard for, when relationships are great, and when you have a loving and supporting partner who will always be there no matter what…
But unfortunately, it is not always like that… There are challenges and setbacks. And that’s when you really get tested on whether you love yourself.
What are the three action steps you can take today to increase your self-love?
1. Try about listening to your body and do what it is telling you. Take a nap, for example, without feeling guilty that you are wasting your time and you could be doing something more productive. The thing is when you honour and take care of your body, it will take care of you. When you are tired, you are not that productive anyways. You can’t drive on an empty tank. Allow yourself to be present in the moment. That will help you to become more grounded. Or maybe, take a walk in nature to oxygenate your body, bring clarity to your thinking and recharge your energy level overall.
2. Do something that makes you happy. Treat yourself to a massage. Make a bubble bath and devote some time to relax. Take time off for journaling and connecting with your feelings and emotions. There is nothing better than getting to know yourself at a deeper level. You can know all the wisdoms in the world, but if you don’t know yourself, you know nothing. It is all about self-awareness, right? The more you expand yourself, the more you can be, do and have. Eat some ice-cream or chocolate cake, when you feel like it. I am all for a healthy lifestyle, but occasional treat won’t hurt you. Trust me, small things make a big difference in the big picture.
3. Intentionally choose your focus. We all know where our focus goes our energy flows. What’s wrong in life is always available, so is what’s right. It is all about our point of reference. Stay away from negative news and negative people. Who is that toxic person who you need to let go with your best wishes to them? If you want to stay fired up, be on your best game and be empowered, you need to have a positive frame of mind. And you are in control of making it happen. Focus on your progress versus the gap between your dreams and your current reality. Ask yourself, what are you grateful for?
4. Look for the value in the bad. As much as I love being on the positive wavelength, the negative is inevitable. Think about it: the good would not be possible without the bad. Without darkness we wouldn’t be appreciate light. The law of polarities is present around us and within us. That’s what keeps life balance. Bad stuff happens. And the worst think you can do to yourself is to ignore it or push it away. The repressed negative emotions or feelings will eventually pop up like a beach ball in the water. And it will happen in the most inconvenient time. Allow yourself to have down moments; it could be a perfect time for self-reflection and realisation. What you can and should do is acknowledge what happened and consciously choose interpretation that empowers you. Pause and ask yourself, what am I here to learn? What is this situation trying to teach me? All hardships eventually turn out to be blessings if we bother to go through the uncomfortable transformation.
5. Show compassion to yourself. Don’t criticise and punish yourself for making a mistake. It is better to make a mistake by taking action than not make a mistake by remaining passive. Acknowledge yourself for trying and learn from the experience. Be kind, sensitive and mindful towards yourself. Guard your self-talk: listen to your voice of power, which tells you how good you are, not the voice of your limitation, which points out at your limitations. Look at the big picture of who you are, don’t let the petty small things tear your self-esteem. Remind yourself of your greatness.
Remember, if you don’t love yourself, no one else can love you. The world is usually a mirror to ourselves. If you keep attracting men who don’t really love or respect you, it is usually a tap on a shoulder from the universe that you need to learn to love yourself first.
People who hurt us are really angels in disguise. We usually don’t learn that much or come to big insights when things are wonderful. Some of the most valuable lessons sometimes come from the most painful experiences.
If you have a poor self-image, and someone you care deeply about tells you how much they love you, you won’t be able to feel loved. That feeling won’t be familiar to you, since you don’t love yourself. And you will always find a reason to question or doubt those words.
At the end of the day, loving yourself is about accepting yourself as you are: the good, the bad and the ugly. It is not about eliminating the flaws and limitations. Because it is a road to nowhere and you’ll just end up being frustrated. Allow yourself to be imperfect. The sooner you accept that the sooner you will become at peace with yourself and the world around.
Love yourself first; everything else will fall into place.