Let me be very clear — being assertive doesn’t mean being arrogant, aggressive or stuck up your backside.
Being assertive means comfortable in your own skin, not being afraid to freely express yourself and your needs.
My husband told me, one of the first things that really attracted him to me was my assertiveness.
When we first met, I thought he was married. And I am very black and white when it comes to married men. It is a big no, no matter how charming, sexy and charismatic that man could be.
So his insistent courting made him confront him directly. I just asked him, “Are you single Christian? Because if you are not, this ends right here and right now.”
He liked it. And, no he wasn’t married and didn’t have a girlfriend. I became his one.
When you are assertive, you know what you want and you confidently go after it.
How do you develop your assertiveness?
First of all, learn to say “no” to things that don’t serve you or are not aligned with your values. It applies to things and people.
For example, if you don’t feel like going out with friends, just say “no”.
Always check with yourself if by saying “yes” to others you don’t say “no” to yourself.
Remember, by learning to say “no” you also master the skill of saying “yes” to something better or more important.
It often comes to small choices whether to read a book or watch Netflix.
I don’t mean never taking time to relax, but make sure your choices serve you and your goals.
Second, learn to express yourself freely. Don’t be afraid to speak up, expressing your honest opinion. Don’t worry about being accepted or liked by others.
Being direct doesn’t mean being rude or neglecting others. It simply means, you value your truth and you are not afraid to speak up.
It also applies to sharing about your feelings, especially when it comes to relationships. This step helps you set boundaries.
Besides, by freely expressing yourself you give others permission to do the same.
You are unique and it is ok to have a different opinion to the masses. And it is ok to share it openly ( as long as it doesn’t infringe the rights of others)
My husband ( who is a brilliant marketer) says, “if you haven’t pissed off someone by afternoon, you are doing something wrong.”
There are always going to be haters. And it is on them, not on you.
Some people can’t handle assertiveness and confidence of others.
Some people aren’t comfortable when others are shining brightly in their power.
And the third suggestion to develop your assertiveness is follow through on your promises, not just to others but to yourself, first of all.
When you say you are going to do something, then do it. As simple as that.
Very often, we don’t follow through on our intentions when it comes to plans or objectives.
Every time we set a goal and don’t follow through we communicate to ourselves that we are not the type of person who follows through on what’s important to us.
However when we consciously set goals and work hard to achieve them ( even if we don’t get the desirable result but an invaluable experience) we reinforce the idea that we are a competent and reliable person. We learn to trust and respect ourselves.
These steps are not difficult to practice. Try then and see for yourself, how much more powerful you feel.
To learn more about how to develop unshakable confidence, click here.